Props to Dean Blundell for the hashtag on twitter #analstainofcanada , This is great news to Torontonians who were infact Canada’s anal stain due to the humiliating riots at the G20 summit in 2010. That was a year ago, and now another big Canadian City has taken the shame off Toronto by hosting it’s own Riot. Vancouver. Why? Because drunk College students felt that it was nessesary to loot stores, burn cars, destroy things just because the Boston Bruins Owned the Canucks in game 7 of the Stanley cup finals.
On the bright side, at least the fans INSIDE the Rogers Arena were sportsmanlike. They stood for the Bruins, they chanted “Go Canucks Go”, they booed Bettman…they were satisfied. Satisfied until they walked outside to the zombie appocalypse. Cars on fire, drunk kids running amok, riot police all over the place, glass littering the streets. It looked worse than the Toronto G20 summit because the kids had actual stuff to throw around and fuel fires with. That’s correct, Harper did not spend a Billion Dollars to build a fence around the Rogers Stadium, make a cute fake lake and remove all street furniture in the down town core. So in all honesty, Vancouver looks like serious Doody right now.
I’m not going to diss Vancouver because I’m sure many residence are hanging their heads in shame right now. Infact the Vancouver residents are so pissed they are out there cleaning up THEIR streets. Vancouver looks like a beautiful city and it probably smells better than Toronto (The nice scent of salt water V.S the rotting fish smell of Lake Ontario and the mystery smell that haunts downtown Toronto). Both Vancouver and Toronto has designated druggie/hooker spots so nobody can go finger pointing and go accusing that one city of being crappier than the other. I’m sure both are equally crappy.
I’m sure that once everyone sobers up they will realize how much crap they are in. I have the image of Antoine Dodson cocking his head and saying “You are so Duuumb!” Why are they Dumb? Well thanks to social networking there are thousands of evidence photos on the internet and it’s only a matter of time before everyone is recognized and charged…especially that idiot who was lighting a Cop Car Gas tank on fire with a cloth.
There are thousands of photos circulating the internet right now and the whole world is looking at them saying “Well so much for Canada being a bunch of goodie goodies” We’re known as a friendly nation and now people won’t want to migrate here…wait…that’s not such a bad thing, we should make fake riot photos and send them out so people stop trying to enter as refugees. Russia still thinks we’re a bunch of kittens though so don’t assume we caught any of their attention because we probably didn’t. (Also they are laughing their asses off at the fact Canada actually created violence)
So with that being all said. The Anal Stain Torch has now been passed on to Vancouver. Torontonians thank you for taking on the responsiblity of the torch until someone else messes up. Don’t worry though, the Anal Stain Torch will more than likely return to Parliament hill as soon as someone there effs up, which oddly enough happens a lot. So enjoy your glory, the embarassment will pass, and make sure to identify the losers in the riot photos because they deserve what is comming to them which hopefully will be community service (Because we all know slapping them on the wrist with fines does not work).
Oh and a big Awesomesauce reward goes out to all those who are volunteering time cleaning up the mess in Vancouver, because I know that Torontonians wouldn’t pick up a broom and dust pan if their lives depended on it. Oh and I award 10 points to the Snoggers in the picture above, well played kids! Well Played!