Bringing you yet another blog about what’s in the News and how me, the awesomesauceist plastic red dragon, sees it.
I am blindly writing this today so lets see what we can find to discuss…
Vancouver loses title as most liveable city in Canada
I didn’t even bother reading this news article, I saw the headline and the first thing that came to mind was “Vancouver rioters…this is all your fault!” Enough said. Having given the recent Title of “Anal Stain of Canada” might be anothre reason for losing the title of “Most Liveable city.”
No worries though…I don’t think anyone in Canada should complain that their city sucks. If you do, I will personally fund a plane ticket for you to go visit Libya.
Tim Horton’s gets bigger!
Timmies cup size increases! About damn time. The Extra Large cup CLEARLY isn’t big enough, considering the fact Tim Horton’s has hardly any caffiene in their coffee it is upmost important to drink more to wake up. The more java you drink the more bathroom breaks you get to take at work too.
The only reason people even drink Tim Horton’s is because it is a Canadian Civic duty. Real Java lovers drink Star Bucks or Second Cup or go and purchase an energy drink. But for those who like coffee minus the big caffiene high Timmies is ideal. You can dip right in to a Tim’s without that system shock of “Wooaaaahhh Caffiene!”
Also comming to Timmies is three new bagles. One of them being a tasty asiago cheese sun dried tomato bagle. I have taste tested one and DAMN THEY ARE GOOD! So stay tuned for September 5th and pick up a yummy Asiago Cheese bagle (These specialty bagles will be more expensive than other bagles) and if you are wondering how I got to taste test a bagle? I obviously teleported in and stole one DUH!
Cast of Dancing with the Stars revealed:
I don’t give a fiendish dire rats ass. Although I can’t stop giggling over the fact that Ricki Lake will be a guest…it’s been like 2 decades since I even heard her name. Do DWTS audiences even know who Ricki Lake is???
MTV video Music Awards:
Did not tune in, but here is a recap. MTV still sucks, MTV doesn’t even play music vids anymore so I’m stumpped as to why they held a music award show, Lady Gaga dressed like a man, Nikki Manaj looked like… well she looked like Hello Kitty Vomitted on her, Jessi J apparently has a better voice than Katy Perry, Katy perry also dressed like she got trapped in Willy Wonka’s factory, some girl wore a garbage bag looking dress…Hurricane Irene did not claim the lives of the cast of Jersey Shore because the lil turds were in attendance, Justin Bieber was there and his fans occupied Twitter trends again…and what’s with that band that’s poorly trying to mimick Kiss? Oh and apparently Selena Gomez turned heads which I couldn’t care less about yet her stupid picture made headlines AND Beyonce is Pregnant.
As for Lady Gaga, you know I’m beginning to like her/him/it. It’s like a free circus freak show, you never know what she’ll wear. Mind you she’s running out of ideas…and Nikki Manaj is starting to compete with her.
Jennifer Anniston Moves into home with Boyfriend:
I don’t care…please news, STOP POSTING THIS CRAP! Besides she’s going to break up in a few months…maybe weeks or days anyway then we will all be subjected to her heart break yet again. I swear she’s just trying to get her skinny ass on the cover of those stupid celebrity gossip magazines. Something I also don’t waste my time reading so I’m far behind on the latest Smutty gossip.
And that’s all the headlines that caught my attention today. Until Next time minions, Next time.