Dragon Doody August 30th

Bringing you yet another blog about what’s in the News and how me, the awesomesauceist plastic red dragon, sees it.

I am blindly writing this today so lets see what we can find to discuss…

Vancouver loses title as most liveable city in Canada

I didn’t even bother reading this news article, I saw the headline and the first thing that came to mind was “Vancouver rioters…this is all your fault!” Enough said. Having given the recent Title of “Anal Stain of Canada” might be anothre reason for losing the title of “Most Liveable city.”

No worries though…I don’t think anyone in Canada should complain that their city sucks. If you do, I will personally fund a plane ticket for you to go visit Libya.

Tim Horton’s gets bigger!

Timmies cup size increases! About damn time. The Extra Large cup CLEARLY isn’t big enough, considering the fact Tim Horton’s has hardly any caffiene in their coffee it is upmost important to drink more to wake up. The more java you drink the more bathroom breaks you get to take at work too.

The only reason people even drink Tim Horton’s is because it is a Canadian Civic duty. Real Java lovers drink Star Bucks or Second Cup or go and purchase an energy drink. But for those who like coffee minus the big caffiene high Timmies is ideal. You can dip right in to a Tim’s without that system shock of “Wooaaaahhh Caffiene!”

Also comming to Timmies is three new bagles. One of them being a tasty asiago cheese sun dried tomato bagle. I have taste tested one and DAMN THEY ARE GOOD! So stay tuned for September 5th and pick up a yummy Asiago Cheese bagle (These specialty bagles will be more expensive than other bagles) and if you are wondering how I got to taste test a bagle? I obviously teleported in and stole one DUH!

Cast of Dancing with the Stars revealed:

I don’t give a fiendish dire rats ass. Although I can’t stop giggling over the fact that Ricki Lake will be a guest…it’s been like 2 decades since I even heard her name. Do DWTS audiences even know who Ricki Lake is???

MTV video Music Awards:

Did not tune in, but here is a recap. MTV still sucks, MTV doesn’t even play music vids anymore so I’m stumpped as to why they held a music award show, Lady Gaga dressed like a man, Nikki Manaj looked like… well she looked like Hello Kitty Vomitted on her, Jessi J apparently has a better voice than Katy Perry, Katy perry also dressed like she got trapped in Willy Wonka’s factory, some girl wore a garbage bag looking dress…Hurricane Irene did not claim the lives of the cast of Jersey Shore because the lil turds were in attendance, Justin Bieber was there and his fans occupied Twitter trends again…and what’s with that band that’s poorly trying to mimick Kiss? Oh and apparently Selena Gomez turned heads which I couldn’t care less about yet her stupid picture made headlines AND Beyonce is Pregnant.

As for Lady Gaga, you know I’m beginning to like her/him/it. It’s like a free circus freak show, you never know what she’ll wear. Mind you she’s running out of ideas…and Nikki Manaj is starting to compete with her.

Jennifer Anniston Moves into home with Boyfriend:

I don’t care…please news, STOP POSTING THIS CRAP! Besides she’s going to break up in a few months…maybe weeks or days anyway then we will all be subjected to her heart break yet again. I swear she’s just trying to get her skinny ass on the cover of those stupid celebrity gossip magazines. Something I also don’t waste my time reading so I’m far behind on the latest Smutty gossip.

And that’s all the headlines that caught my attention today. Until Next time minions, Next time.

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Dragon Doody August 17th 2011


I checked the news this morning and upon seeing 5 juicy news articles all in one day I could NOT resist posting a Dragon Doody blog entry…Blogging has become as rare as me, I know, but no worries, I’m still kicking.

T-800 is looking for you Sarah Conner

I guess The Terminator no longer has to use the phone book to locate Sarah Connor because we have Twitter! And Almost EVERYONE is on Twitter. @111001001101010 is asking all Sarah’s on Twitter if they are Sarah Conner. Yes “Conner” is a typo but it’s quite brilliant as the real Terminator would pronounce the name “Conner” and not “Connor”.  The account has been active for a few days now and it quite literally only asks people named Sarah if they are Sarah Conner. Some Sarah’s replied “No” some told the Terminator to F*** off and others confusingly asked “Who is sarah Conner?” So if your name is Sarah you might get a mention from the Terminator.

Can we pay em enough money to stop filming Jersey Shore?

You know you suck when a Clothing company offers to pay you a substantial amount of money to STOP wearing their line of clothing. Abercrombie and Fitch are so worried about having their rep ruined that they offered “The Situation” from Jersey Shore a large amount of money to NOT wear Abercrombie and Fitch, they also offered money to the rest of the cast to follow suit.

“We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino’s association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image,” the company said in a press release Tuesday (via CNN).

I always thought A&F was a clothing line for Jocks, airheads and Beach Bums…if this is the case and a lot of airheads watch the Jersey Shore then shouldn’t they be providing the Situation with their clothing line? And is it possible to gather enough money to STOP MTV from filming this horrid garbage? I will donate my entire Hoard to stop Jersey Shore from being aired.

Here are some amusing Twitter reactions:

_Snape_Professor Snape

Abercrombie & Fitch offered The Situation cash to stop wearing its brand. That’s like Voldy paying someone to stop wearing the Dark Mark.

Abercrombie & Fitch asks the one guy who should be wearing their clothes to stop wearing their clothes. funni.ly/roSUJR
CharlieKayeCBSCharlie Kaye

If The Situation rejects Abercrombie & Fitch’s “substantial payment” not to wear its clothes, I’ll not wear A&F’s clothes for half the price

Now that some of my least favorite things (Jersey Shore and A&F) have made the headlines I am going to go puke up rainbow colored unicorns…Or perhaps some Tiger blood because guess who else made headline?

Warlock Tricks!

Charlie Sheen in the news again. Because he’s falling down a spiral and hasn’t been able to get out of it yet. But he’ll do anything to remain in the lime light including making a cameo appearance at the Gathering of the Juggalos. What a great place to be! Surrounded by the “Insane Clown Posse” fans. Of course when Charlie entered the stage to announce a band people began to pelt him with bottles and stuff. Charlie then catches a bottle that was thrown at him which caused applause but then more objects thrown. Charlie left the stage then insisted that the rude reception was just his fans showing him appreciation. Yes because if there is one way to appreciate someone it’s tossing bottles at them. I hope this trends and Bieber fans start pelting Justin Bieber in the head with objects.

But this only comes to show that Charlie is NOT infact a Warlock. If he were a warlock he could cast some sheilding spell and prevent the bottles from hitting him. I’m also pretty sure you need brains to be a warlock. And in other news, I have placed bets on Charlie Sheen on a celebrity death pool because I feel he’s reaching the bottom of a barrel and his drug addiction will eventually claim him.

Kevin Federline has Fifth Child

I only have 1 thing to say about this. Someone needs to force him to have a Vasectomy. That is all.

Sharks! In the Ocean!

There were some Canadian Shark sightings in the last few days (Which is not Uncommon believe it or not) A great White shark was caught by Fishermen off the Fundy Bay Coast and scientists stated the OBVIOUS that it had been looking for Fish to eat. REALLY? A shark in the ocean looking for Fish? But alas my favorite line used was “The Great Whites will go up there and have a buffet meal of tasty young seals.” (Yahoo news) Really? Someone call PETA to stop this massacre of cuddly young seals! Forget the seal hunts people, there is a larger threat!

Also a shark was also spotted in Nova Scotia. It was a Porbeagle Shark which is COMMON in the waters of NS. Stop The presses! I think I have an article for Yahoo news! This morning I spotted a Squirell in my back yard as well as some Canadian Geese in my pond!

In other news, Yahoo seems to be running out of article ideas. I’m sure they will continue to update everyone on Shark sightings. No worries folk of the east Coast, there have been no recorded shark attacks but you should still beware of Jelly Fish, because those little suckers hurt like a B****.

Happy Birthday Elvis!

I’m Canadian so I don’t pay much attention to American politics until voting day…But some lady who’s campaigning for the year Michelle Bachmann, made a mistake durring one of her rally’s and wished Elvis a Happy Birthday on the day of his DEATH anniversary. Way to go! But if I had made the mistake I’d have said “Happy Birthday Zombie Elvis!” because it’s possible that Elvis is still sorta kicking in the undead way and his death would technically be his Birthday. So Happy Birthday Elvis.


and I shall end my Doody with Shocking news and that is: Lady Gaga wore a NORMAL dress!

And there you have it folks. Some Doody for the day!


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Dragon Doody-July 19th

Gee, I hope I don’t have too many fans, It has been a while since I last blogged. I blame my master for hogging blog time, her blog is completely updated but mine has been lingering. Alas, here I am and ready to comment on some Dragon Doody news stories that caught my attention this morning.


Justin Bieber’s name ends up in the news yet again. This time he was driving by a wedding party and over heard one of his dreadful songs being sung karaoke style. Obviously someone had been singing better than him (Not sounding like a chipmunk trapped in a blender) and he became a little irked. How dare some pre teen girl hog the spot light? Assuming it was a pre teen girl because I would be greatly disturbed  if an adult male had been singing Justin Bieber Karaoke. Justin stops his car and heads on in to the wedding all Kool Aid man style and all the pre teen lemmings go insane. KOOL AID…um I mean BIEBER! SQUEEEEE! But the biggest thing about this story is all the Pissed off Beliebers mad at some girl named Paige Conway. Paige happened to be at the wedding and boasted about it over twitter where jealous Beliebers snooped in to Paige’s Twitter and found her twitter feed from back in January stating that she was angry at Justin and pissed that Justin’s agents follow back some of his fans and how she was over Justin…you know NORMAL teen girl behaviour! Come on, anyone who knows a teen girl or who is a teen girl knows they are overly emotional and occasionally get mad at their crushes…sort of like the time my master threw darts at her crushs’ photos when she was 15 and royally pissed he had a GF (But she got over in within 2 days). Twitter had to endure Paige Conway trending and had to listen to a bunch of whiney babies complain and call her a fake Belieber. So thankyou Justin for Busting into a wedding all Kool-aid man style and thankyou Beliebers for continuaously giving me headaches. Also see Paige Conway’s twitter feed below.

Also “Beliebtards” Awesome word!


Canadians, favorite passtime is complaining about the weather. We live, eat, breath the weather on a daily basis. Out tweets always begin with the weather, our facebook statuses are about the weather and they get many weather related comments. So when bad weather hits, Experts blame Climate change. Yes I’m talking about the Ottawa Blue’s fest stage that blew over on Sunday night. It happened in Ottawa therefore climate change is to blame. Why? Because night time has been hotter than previous years. Yes of course it is, that’s what occurs when you have a heat wave with no thunderstorms! If anything we should see MORE storms but noooo barely anything to cool us all off which by the way all us cental Canadians (Most from Ontario and Quebec) are crying over a little heat! Honestly the weather in Canada this year hasn’t even measured up to last year, we have yet to see many tornadoes where as last year we had like 10 in one day. Candadians should not complain, after all, when was the last time a town got flattened by a tornado? Sure we’ve had some floods and fires but at least there was enough warning to hightail it out of town. So my oppinion on the Climate change issiue is yes, climate changes all the time. Big deal. And if this is signs that the world is going to end in 2012, then the earth can do much, much better than that. Suck it up butter cups! Us Canadians should get back to complaining about more important things like Hockey.

“Geee I wonder how this happened”


The health and environment nut jobs are at it again. This time telling us which foods to avoid. Face it, everything we eat is too fat, high in salt, carcinogenic and bad for the environment. Humans are bad for the environment which is why as a dragon I do my civic duty and eat people. So what is on the black list this time? Lamb, Beef, Cheese, pork and Farmed salmon. Ok Farmed Salmon is acceptable because it tastes like crap! But Lamb? Beef? Cheese? and Pork? All those yummy things? Bad protiens? Not fair. Apparently farming these things or manufacturing them is bad for the environment and eating too much of them is bad for the heath. This might explain why I’m obese and probably explains North America’s Obesity issue. Too many lamb chops, too many burgers…get out there and eat those chickens because Chicken farms are great for the health! Fried Chicken is an ok protein so gobble up! If said news article will change anyone’s eating habits I 100% recomend eating Stray cats and rabbits and Canadian Geese and seagulls because there are waaaaay too many of each out there. I also think there is a Road kill cookbook somewhere online where it gives a raccoon Shishkebob recipe, this might particularily come in handy in Toronto where residents face a coon epidemic. Try fried squirell lately? I heard it’s yummy and those critters are everywhere. So happy eats everyone. Don’t forget to boycott Beef.


There’s this article about this woman who shoots and kills her husband while aiming at a puppy…know what? I’m just going to post the whole article:

JACKSON, Miss. – Police in Mississippi say a woman opened fire on a puppy that had threatened children, but wound up shooting and killing her husband.

Witnesses tell police that the pit bull named “Cocaine” had lunged at some children and tried to attack them on Friday. The dead man’s son says the children were taken inside and his father picked the dog up.

It was then that police say Betty Walker fired twice, hitting the dog once and her husband once in the chest. Jackson police spokeswoman Colendula Green says the death of 53-year-old Robert Walker appears to have been accidental.

She says a Hinds County grand jury will decide whether to charge Betty Walker.

Animal control officers have taken the dog, and its owner could face charges.

-One less gun tottin red neck and the dog is completely fine.-


Someone actually created a zombie proof house. Complete with a draw bridge and it can cover ALL entrances and windows! The house can completely be sealed off and better yet, it’s luxurious inside. The person who will be responsible fr a zombie outbreak is probably the person who had the house built…this is my suspicions anyway. If you are certain a Zombie appocalypse will occur OF COURSE your going to create a safe house. Take a look at some of the pictures.

To see all the pictures of this awesome house here is the link:  http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/photos/a-zombie-safe-home-really–1310745805-slideshow/

That’s all folks. Hope you all enjoyed. Keep on Geeking…and send me loot!


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10 signs that it might be a Trap

1. You are in the middle of a dangerous dungeon and an old lady appears asking for assistance. She’s probbaly a dragon. Honestly, why the hell would there be an Old Lady in a dangerous dungeon???

2. You enter an ominous room and find…NOTHING! Come on! There’s Obviously SOMETHING in a dark ominous room…somewhere…don’t open the box in the corner, it’s a trap!

3. After raiding a dungeon you finally come across the artifact. It’s not supervised, there are no traps around it, it is just sitting there ready for you to take. Nothing is that easy, and if it is, fire your Dungeon Master!

4.  There is a Gazebo. EVERYONE should know by now that if the word “Gazebo” is mentioned…it’s a Trap!

5. A Little girl comes up to you and asks you to follow her. You are currently in a crypt or grave yard. We all know she’s leading you to a trap! Come on! Little Girl in a freaking graveyard? Suspicious!

6. The Dragon Hoard is unattended. Oh the dragon is there SOMEWHERE…and you are about to get owned.

7. When he or she or it says “I will grant you one wish” Yeah…riiiiiight.

8. You are facing a group of Kobolds who weild rusty weapons. Murphy’s law states that anything weilding crappy weapons will succeed in a Critical hit, you will also get rust poisoning because your DM is a dick.

9. You are in a high level adventuring party and the DM makes you face a kobold (or any other weak creature) It’s not a kobold…

10. When He/she/it says “Want to play a Game?” By the way, if you are playing the game YOU LOSE! If you are not playing “The Game” you are now and YOU LOSE!

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“Anal Stain of Canada”

Props to Dean Blundell for the hashtag on twitter #analstainofcanada , This is great news to  Torontonians who were infact Canada’s anal stain due to the humiliating riots at the G20 summit in 2010. That was a year ago, and now another big Canadian City has taken the shame off Toronto by hosting it’s own Riot. Vancouver. Why? Because drunk College students felt that it was nessesary to loot stores, burn cars, destroy things just because the Boston Bruins Owned the Canucks in game 7 of the Stanley cup finals.

On the bright side, at least the fans INSIDE the Rogers Arena were sportsmanlike. They stood for the Bruins, they chanted “Go Canucks Go”, they booed Bettman…they were satisfied. Satisfied until they walked outside to the zombie appocalypse. Cars on fire, drunk kids running amok, riot police all over the place, glass littering the streets. It looked worse than the Toronto G20 summit because the kids had actual stuff to throw around and fuel fires with. That’s correct, Harper did not spend a Billion Dollars to build a fence around the Rogers Stadium, make a cute fake lake and remove all street furniture in the down town core. So in all honesty, Vancouver looks like serious Doody right now.

I’m not going to diss Vancouver because I’m sure many residence are hanging their heads in shame right now.  Infact the Vancouver residents are so pissed they are out there cleaning up THEIR streets. Vancouver looks like a beautiful city and it probably smells better than Toronto (The nice scent of salt water V.S the rotting fish smell of Lake Ontario and the mystery smell that haunts downtown Toronto).  Both Vancouver and Toronto has designated druggie/hooker spots so nobody can go finger pointing and go accusing that one city of being crappier than the other. I’m sure both are equally crappy.

I’m sure that once everyone sobers up they will realize how much crap they are in. I have the image of Antoine Dodson cocking his head and saying “You are so Duuumb!” Why are they Dumb? Well thanks to social networking there are thousands of evidence photos on the internet and it’s only a matter of time before everyone is recognized and charged…especially that idiot who was lighting a Cop Car Gas tank on fire with a cloth.

Yeah the idiot pictured above. “You are so Duuuumb!”

The Douche pictured above clearly forgot that one alcoholic drink was too many. He’s so tiny he could have been used as cannon fodder to break some windows.

Wait a minute…People still seriously dress like that??? The 80’s called, they want to sue for poor useage of their style!

How the Grich ruined Vancouver’s Reputation.

There are thousands of photos circulating the internet right now and the whole world is looking at them saying “Well so much for Canada being a bunch of goodie goodies” We’re known as a friendly nation and now people won’t want to migrate here…wait…that’s not such a bad thing, we should make fake riot photos and send them out so people stop trying to enter as refugees. Russia still thinks we’re a bunch of kittens though so don’t assume we caught any of their attention because we probably didn’t. (Also they are laughing their asses off at the fact Canada actually created violence)

So with that being all said. The Anal Stain Torch has now been passed on to Vancouver. Torontonians thank you for taking on the responsiblity of the torch until someone else messes up. Don’t worry though, the Anal Stain Torch will more than likely return to Parliament hill as soon as someone there effs up, which oddly enough happens a lot. So enjoy your glory, the embarassment will pass, and make sure to identify the losers in the riot photos because they deserve what is comming to them which hopefully will be community service (Because we all know slapping them on the wrist with fines does not work).

Oh and a big Awesomesauce reward goes out to all those who are volunteering time  cleaning up the mess in Vancouver, because I know that Torontonians wouldn’t pick up a broom and dust pan if their lives depended on it. Oh and I award 10 points to the Snoggers in the picture above, well played kids! Well Played!

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The Ultimate Troll

A video of a girl’s Vlog went viral after she bashed Lady Gaga’s song “Judas”. Now, at first I took this girl seriously and thought she was a nut job. But what millions of viewers did not catch on to was the fact she completely trolled everyone. Proof can be found in her own video reply. Check out the following videos and judge for yourself. I will include the Cole’s notes for those who are too lazy to watch the 4 minute video.

So this girl, Sarah Rooney or whatever her real name is, made a Vlog about her reaction to “Judas”.

-She claims Judas and Jesus are the SAME person (Even non Christians know Judas was the guy who betrayed Judas)

-She insists Lady Gaga is a member of the Illuminati. Wait what? The Illuminati are real?

-She claims people will not go to heaven if they listen to Lady Gaga.

-She says that Sex is a HUGE sin but fails to mention sex inside of marriage is not a sin. The Bible makes that point pretty clear too.

-She says that she is sick and feels dirty and will have to go to confession. She then also says she may not go to heaven because she listened to “Judas”

-She starts to cry.

-She hopes that pastors will touch people…in today’s day in age saying “I hope a pastor touches me.” sounds dirty and inappropriate.

-Oh and everyone is beyond hope. As if we were all living in the days of Moses of course. I’m confident throughout the entire Bible everyone but Jesus screwed up. Oh and of course it mentions all over the place that NOBODY is beyond hope and if we screw up God will forgive you.

Now here she is AGAIN with a response to her own post on the same You Tube account. She got a hair cut but it does not fool anyone. So UNLESS this is her EVIL twin sister she just trolled everyone BIG TIME! And here is why:

She says “I just watched this video( her video) of this girl (her) who says that Lady Gaga’s song “Judas” is evil”

-Corrects (herself) by saying Judas is NOT Jesus.

-Tells (Herself) That she is wearing gauges in her ears which defiles the temple of God thus is a sin.

-Tells (herself) that if sex is a sin how did you(herself) get born?

-Says God is not real

-Says that if (herself) is going to be in heaven she does’t want to be there. Woah…does this girl have like 2 souls that contradict one another?

-Calls (herself) ugly and Stupid and a Fail.

I believe that she is trolling because if this wasn’t trolling then she would have been in the loony bin ages ago. She can’t be stupid enough to think a hair cut would make a great disguise. She posted the reply video on the same You Tube account. Judging by her facial expressions she is clearly laughing her ass off inside knowing a lot of idiots will fall for her messed up videos. She was successful as she has almost 8 million views on You Tube. Oh and if you check out her singing videos she sounds like something is being horribly tormented.

So Sarah Rooney or whatever your actual name is. Congrats, I give you the gold medal of trolling millions of people with your viral video. You are a great actor and I hope someone discovers your talents because the Horror film industry is in need of some good actors. Hey who knows, maybe you’re the next star of Paranormal activity and if you are not actually Trolling than your movie will be a true story! Us horror fans are in some dire need of true story horror. Keep up the great work you awesome Troll.

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Canadian Political Fuddle Duddle.

May 2nd 2011 is a page in the History books for Canadian Politics. While many people predicted another Tory Minority Government, quite the opposite happened. In the beginning of the Campaign people were almost certain that it would be close call between the Liberal and Conservative Party. After all when the Liberals do not win they are a close second. Ignatieff the Liberal Party leader stated that it was going to be between Himself and Stephen Harper in the end and all other political Parties need not even bother trying. His arrogance likely cost him a place as the Opposition party (Which essentially means second place) because during the last week of Elections Jack Layton and the New Democratic Party all of a sudden came out of nowhere and gained supporters. This made NDP supporters more confident and this scared Ignatieff into the point where he had to create new attack ads to combat Jack Layton. However, the worst Iggy could pull up was the fact Layton went to a Rub and Tug (Exotic massage) 16 years ago. Nobody seemed to really care.Nobody cared that one of the NDP politicians was in Las Vegas during the campaign either.

With gained popularity in Quebec as well as many fed up Quebecers sick and tired of the Bloc Quebecois the NDP gained most of the seats in Quebec. As soon as they took these seats it was clear that for the first time in Canadian Political history the NDP had become the Opposition Party. The Liberals stood no chance now. With many seats in Ontario, the Conservatives snatched most up which pretty much automatically got them Majority status. By now Micheal Ignatieff of the Liberals was crying in a corner and Gilles Duceppe the leader of the Bloc got ousted by a not so well known NDP in his own riding. Duceppe stepped down as Bloc Leader shortly after.

With both Duceppe and Ignatieff defeated in their own riding district yet another first happened. The Green Party finally got a seat in Parliament. Now Elizabeth May can not be rejected next time there is a political debate. The Green Party has finally got their foot in the door.

A 19 year old McGill University Student who was running as an NDP for his district has been elected. He is the youngest person to be in Parliament. Average people envy this kids new salary as he is making $157 731 per year to start. Guess he can pay his student loans now. We will have to wait and see just what Young Blood can do in Parliament. Rick Mercer was right, give the voting power to young voters and anything can happen. Quebec was sick of the Bloc and wanted to stir things up a bit and because they were so Bold they have just changed Canadian Political History.

Also a big slap in the face to all the other parties is the fact that the woman (Pictured above) who was on a Vegas Vacation during the campaign actually won. There was a small uproar over the fact an NDP politician was in Las Vegas during the elections. The vacation obviously did not lose her votes. It is also possible she won because she’s attractive.

There are also (Including the 19 year old McGill student) 4 rookies in the NDP riding that have won. Parliament welcomes new blood. These rookies are soon to discover the head aches of politics, fellow Canadians wish them luck.

Ignatieff is thinking of stepping down and rumor has it that Justin Trudeau may take over as Liberal Leader. He doesn’t really want to but if Canadians keep pushing him to do so he likely will. This is good news mainly because Canadians like him, and he doesn’t look anything like Ignatieff who I must add looks a lot like Count Chocula or one of those Crooked Lawyers you see on TV series.

So here we are with a Conservative Majority with the NDP as the Opposition Party. Stephen Harper can now more easily pass bills without the approval of everybody else. While Harper did mess up on a lot of things he did manage to keep Canada out of a Depression and we are recovering from a Recession. Hopefully he has learned from past mistakes, and will do what is best for Canada. After all, no matter who is in power they screw up somehow because it is not possible to please everybody. So for the next 4 years Canada welcomes Mr. Harper. Well…most of Canada does anyway according to the polls. So Mr. Harper please don’t Epic Fail.

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Careful what you wish for:

This is one of those FML adventuring tales that can happen to just about anyone depending on who your Dungeon Master is. In this story a group of adventurers (From a friend’s gaming group) went in to slay a dragon and steal it’s hoard. After a long successful battle everyone was quite tired. But they saw no more imediate threats so they decided to go through the treasure before they rested. One party member picked up a nice gemmed sword and while he was holding this sword he decided to exclaim in game “Gee, I wish we could do this again!” I mean who wouldn’t want to do it again? You get treasure! Lots and Lots of cool treasure and dragon slaying bragging rights!

Problem is after the DM rolled percentile dice to see what the item was that particular character was holding it turned out he had a Sword with a gem of wishes on it. “Gee…I wish I could do that again!” All of a sudden the dead dragon gets up as a Dracolich…guess what? They get to do THAT again! And as all the party members curse and throw dice at the idiot who said the “W” word they all died a horrible death because they were ill equiped to do it again!

Careful when you say the “W” word.

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Epic Adventure: Off to the Farm

I got to go on an adventure at a farm over the weekend. I have been here before but it was at Christmas time so I did not get to go outside (I am plastic, Christmas was cold, I probably would have snapped a wing or something). But It’s spring now so I joined master in a trip to the family farm.

No farm is complete without chickens roaming around. Of course this farm is an equestrian farm but with so many acres you need chickens! Oh how I would LOVE to just roast one right now and…okay, okay sorry I won’t harm the chickens. There are 5 roosters and about 6 o 7 hens. It gets pretty loud because the roosters fight a lot. Infact I witnessed the dominant rooster kicking another rooster. I’ve never seen a rooster punt another rooster from behind.

The farm boasts of an indoor arena, a barn, lush feilds and lots of horses. Here is me with Irish, he is a pony and he is boarded here by the same owners who own the horse that Master showed durring a horse show. Irish isn’t as tempermental as the thoroughbred that literally Pawned master so she’s thinking of perhaps showing the pony next horse show.

I got to ride a horse while on the farm. Come on! Plastic Dragon Plastic Horse! Makes sence to me!

Here is me with Buddy the Aussie/Spaniel. Buddy keeps coyotees at bay and guards the chickens. He’s also a friendly lil guy.

The farm boasts of an indoor pool. The pool was open all winter so the kids could enjoy it all year round. It got plenty of use too.

While at the farm I decided to weigh in. See I weigh 3lbs. Just like my box says I do.

The farm experience is not complete without a real bon fire. Funny story, as they were building the bon fire to light in the evening, Master’s father in law tossed a cigarette in the bon fire pit. It takes talent to ignite a fire with a ciggy butt. But he managed and the fire went up nicely at 4 in the afternoon. So we had to change plans and bring the food to the fire. It was a fun experience. I also really LOVE fire!

I got plenty of attention from Master’s little 6 year old sister. She admired me, I felt special.

And no bon fire is complete without marshmallows. Roasting mallows, om nom nom! We roasted marshmallows after devouring Burgers and Steak. The steak was so good Master devoured hers in seconds and she’s not the biggest meat eater. Medium rare all the way. We all gathered around the fire, had some mallows and enjoyed watching stuff burn. Good times. AND nobody got hurt.
The farm was fun. It was a great day out. No bugs and plenty of sun shine. Oh and someone fell through a chair too…it ain’t a family event unless someone breaks a chair and gets stuck. Too bad we didn’t have the camera ready >< But all in all, great epic adventure.

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Lecturing the Dog:

No matter how smart a dog is, they understand only a few commands. Sit, Stay, Golaydown, come, no, good dog, walk, outside, treat, cookie, paw, scram etc. Our dog might understand maybe 30 words…especially the word “Outside” Outside is her favorite word. She understands two sentences “Go get Loki!” “Go get Spike!” Because when the cats are getting into the trash or meowing all night it’s good to have a dog that will willingly chase the cats into hiding.

Now we have a room mate, he’s rather annoying. He rents a room from us so it’s basically shared accommodation, he has full use of the dishes, towels, toilet paper etc. WE kind of wish he’d chose to use the dish soap and maybe clean a few dishes but that never happens. He’s on disability for a mental disorder (He has mild Aspergers and gets migraines when he has to work). So he’s not only NOT working he sits on his butt virtually all day. However he’s nice enough to drive us places so I won’t bitch about him that much.

One of the funniest things Lazy Room mate has done is LECTURE the dog. Yes our German Shepard is hyper active, she likes to bug anyone in the kitchen, she pounces people when they walk in but eventually she calms down and she’s a great dog. But every time Room Mate exits his room the dog bugs him. The other day Room Mate gave the dog a talking to. And not the usual pet owner bitch and complain where you know the pet doesn’t understand but it makes you feel better…Nooo he full out LECTURED the dog. “How many times have I told you not to bug me!? How many Times have I told you NOT to jump up on me! Go Lie Down! NO! Are you listening to me?” *Grabs dogs maw “DO you understand me? Do you? I’ve told you not to bug me when I’m in the kitchen I don’t want to repeat myself!”

This is when Master walks in and mentions that the Dog does not understand him. Room Mate then proceeds to tell Master that it’s not the words but the tone. Master informs him “Yeah well, she doesn’t listen to Bitch. I’ve tried, Bitch talk makes her worse.” Room Mate walks off in a huff and when he goes and gets master’s Husband from work he bitches about master’s attitude problem. Master’s Husband gets home and says “I hear you were having an attitude problem today?” Master Rolls her eyes and proceeds to tell the whole story about the dog being lectured and NOT 5 minutes later the Room Mate was in the kitchen Lecturing the dog in a very bitchy tone again. Point proven.

Don’t lecture your pets unless your doing it to make yourself feel better. In all honesty they have no clue what the hell you are saying.

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